Healing Wounds

David and I surrounded ourselves with so much family and friends this month and enjoyed every second!! It’s amazing how life has taken on a whole new meaning and how every little thing and moment is appreciated to the fullest. Or maybe I’ve lived through more occasions and changes in the past three months that has made things more meaningful. Whatever the reason, it couldn’t be a coincidence that so many meaningful events took place around me the past three months. From new babies to weddings to engagements and even to less desirable events.

The past few months have been like a roller coaster of emotions and there have been many ups and many downs. Today is our 3 month anniversary since the surgery and both Dad and I are physically well. I'm almost feeling back to normal and dad continues to gain strength. However, today was one of the hardest and most emotional days for me and my family. Most of you know that my little sister, Yanina, is autistic and our family has faced many obstacles as my parents continuously seek the right and most appropriate treatments to help her overcome the challenges presented to her. Yani has touched our lives in so many beautiful ways and we always put any disability aside and focus on her smile and the simple joys that make her laugh. My parents had to make a difficult decision of enrolling her into a special school/residency and she was dropped off today. We all know that this is the best hope we have that can help her and make her life better. We also have to be thankful that Yani was selected despite the numerous kids on the year long waiting list for this residency.

Only time has helped us heal from the transplant and we can only hope that the wounds of this day will also heal over time and as we see a miracle happen in Yani's life. We pray and remain hopeful that God will give us peace in our hearts that will heal the pain felt with Yani being away from home. We've witnessed a miracle in our family this year and we continue to pray that we can be a testament of how faith can overcome any challenge that seems too big or impossible. Thank you once again for your prayers as our family seeks comfort and peace with this decision.

Even though today's emotions were stronger than any physical pain I've ever felt, I'm hopeful that this is Yani's new beginning and an introduction to her best life yet.

Let the Healing Continue!

As I get ready to leave NY and continue recovering in CA, I leave with mixed emotions. A feeling that can't be described with words or even understood within oneself. I've had an emotional week and experienced one of "those moments" when one starts to cry but yet you don't know what triggered it or if it's a happy or sad cry. All you know is that you're crying and it's not due to PMS!! I guess those moments will always be a mystery to me because the more I try to reason or understand the moment, the more it makes me cry/laugh.

I had my six week appointment on Monday with three of my doctors and even though my recovery is still slow and I have good and bad days, I'm on the right path and only time will truly heal the wounds. So here is a quick rundown of where I am today and some pros and cons. Happiness begins with your thoughts so let's start with some of the pros:

PROS:
~My incision is turning into a fantastically amazingly small hairline scar in some areas and Dr. Samstein impressed himself with his own work (let's hope this healing trend continues throughout the remainder of my scar).
~The bile leakage that originally put me back in the hospital has been absorbing week over week and we will continue to monitor it to ensure there is no further leakage inside.
~I've lost alot of weight and most of my clothes aren't fitting and I need new things. Okay, so David probably considers this a huge con but when else am I going to have such another valid excuse to shop?
~All my new medications are working well at this time and blood tests are looking great.

CONS:
~ I still have much healing to do and apparently I'm not the super quick fierce healer I thought I was. All the doctors say most people start feeling better at 3 months so I'm half way there. I'm starting to think that turning 30 had something to do with this...
~My ribs are shifting back into place and it causes much discomfort at random times.
~Sleeping issues still remain intact.
~It's still painful to sneeze, cough, make sudden moments, get up from a sitting or laying position and even laugh (and you all know that laughing is like a sport for me. I wonder if this is causing the crying! Since it hurts to laugh, my body auto pilots to tears instead??! Hey, it's possible and you've witnessed my other scientific discoveries so this isn't a crazy thought). Again, all this is normal and Dr. S said it can sometimes take 6 months or a whole year to be completely pain free.

Here is one thing where the doctors and I agree to disagree so I've made it into it's own category:
~Haven't found my appetite yet, but slowly working on eating what I can and taking it day by day. The doctors see this and all the weight loss as a con, but I see it as having a two for one deal handed to me. I helped my dad AND had a pretend weight loss surgery that I've always wished for! Who can argue with that! Lots of reasons proposed on what may be causing my poor appetite from my stomach not emptying properly which we saw from my last MRI this month or it could be the growth of my liver is possibly pushing on my stomach (but growth is good!!). Whatever the reason, Only time and much patience will heal this too.

Dad is doing fantastically well and everyone said that he would have much more energy than me after the surgery. Despite all the setbacks in ICU, his diabetes still a bit unstable and his blood levels still high, he really has discovered a whole new life. I sometimes think he's going to burst if he sits longer than 2 minutes and I love that he's so full of energy! All your thoughts and prayers have led us to this moment and we are so thankful for the miracle that has blessed us.

As dad and I both continue to heal and battle through our bad and good days, I share this scripture that Aunt Ana sent out this week.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Courage doesn't always roar, sometimes it's a small voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow." Proverbs 16:24

Happy One Month Anniversary!

I needed a few days to embrace and evolve into a mature and wiser 30 year old person. I've had a great few days celebrating my birthday and I've even been able to leave the house for a few hours at a time on my own! I thought these privileges came when one became a teenager, but apparently I regained access to the world and going outside on my own when I turned 30.

Definitely taking my "outdoor time" easy and just getting fresh air makes me feel like a new person. Dr. Samstein told us that I should go outside everyday so I'm using this recovery time to do just that. And going outside is helping my appetite too! One of my very good friends, Lindsey, was in NY with her fiancé Merek (they live in Atlanta and are getting married next week in Austin!!) and they took me to two of the best restaurants that I've ever been to! And then two of my other very good friends who I adore and have visited me so much while I'm here recovering (Amy and Alexandra) took me to a birthday dinner at Mercer Kitchen and I had yet another fabulous mini-meal!! Sister joined in on these dinner outings and she has been nice enough to spilt all her food with me when we go out to eat so I'm sure she will especially love it when I start having a better appetite so that she won't have to share her food :) So I proudly say that I've eaten three days in a row. And in my defense, dad doesn't have an appetite some days either so I think it's totally normal. Dad did some blood work early this morning and we are praying that all the results will look good. His insulin levels have been through the roof, but hopefully some adjustments to his medication will help control his diabetes. He will meet with one of his doctors later today to go over all the results and I'll keep you posted on what the doctor says today.

I have two appointments on Monday so we will see what Dr. Samstein's prognosis is on me and if I've improved any on his 1-10 scale. Surely, I'm at least a 6 if I've eaten three days in a row?! I know the norm is to eat everyday, but we are taking baby steps. Here are some pictures from this week and a few other ones that I found on my dad's phone prior to the surgery.

Last post in my 20's!!

I had my second appointment with Dr. Samstein this morning and even though it wasn't bad, it wasn't great either. So I'm the type that likes to see the glass half full so when the doctor told me that my progress level was a 3 on a 1-10 scale, I smiled and said "oh good, I'm almost at 1!" He graciously smiled back and informed me that 10 was our goal and we had some work to do. But I told him that I'm doing everything he recommended and getting plenty of rest. The only thing I'm unable to do is eat well or get rid of this 2 week long headache that lingers no matter what I take. He ordered a CT scan just to be safe and everything looks great! As I waited three longs hours to get the CT scan today, they require that you drink two huge bottles of this liquid something in order to do the scan. I'm already having issues with eating or drinking anything so being forced to drink the fake banana something drink was pretty much torture and I think I'm scarred for life. They give you two 450ml bottles and one small cup. You're instructed to drink a cup every 15 minutes and that you'll be done in an hour if you follow the directions. Again, pure torture and I have no idea how I finished those two bottles. Maybe I let it sit so long that it consumed into the air? So after that torture, they need to put an IV before you go do the CT scan.

You can't tell form the pictures, but my body was black and blue from all the needles and poking that was done after the surgery. My skin color was no longer tan, I described my color as an array of purples, greens and blues. The colors were quite lovely, but they are finally fading and I see my normal color again! The main problem is that nurses have a hard time finding my veins so they often poke in one and blood doesn't come out so they poke again and agin. I have a huge tolerance for needles and giving blood, but today was different and painful. They brought in two different nurses and the more painful it got. As they tried putting this IV in my arm, it reminded me of what my dad said earlier this week as we waited to be called so that they could draw his blood. He said "I don't want it to hurt anymore." not only did I silently cry after he said this to me, I silently cried again today as they grabbed and pierced like every wrong vein and knew actually what dad meant. But my four weeks doesn't even compare to the years that he's suffered so I'm totally ok with taking the pain now and knowing that this will hopefully give him a chance to start new and minimize any moment of pain going forward.


But I'll need to start eating and he scheduled a few appointments for next week to help with getting me closer to a 10 and ensure he gives me the green light to leave New York. As of today, he said I wouldn't be able to go just yet. I'll work on it :)

On a happier note, I really do have the most amazing family & friends and found that all my strength comes from your constant calls, packages, mail, texts, visits, get-to-gethers and Love!! I wanted to make sure you all knew that I'm so grateful for the connections I have with every one of you and how much I appreciate everything you've all done for me!!

And on a random note, looks like the Texas Rangers pulled off a victory for my pre-birthday and all the Texas music in the background makes me want to move back to Texas!!! Since David won't move to New York, maybe he'll consider Texas?!

Am I turning 30 or 60?

It's week three and my dad's first week out of the hospital has been going really well! He's walking around, eating well, and has much more energy than ever before. He's had a few appointments this week and his levels were a bit higher than normal, but he had an MRI and the doctors are making adjustments to his medication almost everyday. I'm his official pill counter and responsible for making sure that I'm removing/replenishing the correct pills into his pill box as changes are made. Talk about responsibility!! So far I'm doing a good job and I've only accidentally dropped all the pills once (and this happened on Tuesday) and dad is good so I must have put everything back in place correctly??! But really, one of my strengths is paying attention to detail so I really did put everything back in place :) He has to take over 20 pills three times a day and the doctors say that timing is crucial!! So grandma and I are super attentive to 9am, 2pm and 9pm. We have timers, bells, and everything going off to make sure we are precise and that those meds are administered right on time. Man, I'm really becoming a very versatile person so I might be in high demand after all this. I've gone from writer to a scientist to professional pill counter/notifier. Who knew that I would take on so many new roles in just a few weeks and before my 30th birthday!!

I'm embracing and accepted that I'm turning 30. Two reasons I'm at peace with this idea now. One is because I promised in my previous post that I would and I like to keep my promises especially since both dad and I are doing well after the surgery. Secondly, I'm now more concerned that my body thinks we are turning 60 instead of 30. So I've had a huge decrease in appetite this week and like I've told many of you, grandma gets concerned and I have forced feedings. I never thought it possible that I wouldn't have an appetite!!! I simply love food and I don't discriminate. And I mean I LOVE food!!! Since I'm not eating and getting enough nutrients that I need, my grandma is forcing me to share her Ensure shakes with her!!! I mean, they taste ok but I don't want my body thinking that I'm taking organs away and that we're down to Ensure strawberry shakes for life. I see Dr. Samstein on Friday so I'll let you know how that goes. My visiting nurse said she was
going to inform the doctor that I'm not eating (but she disappeared for the second time and then blames me for not being home but we all know I don't leave the house so not sure what's going on with the disappearing act).

Fingers crossed that I want food by Saturday so that we can retire the Ensure drinks and get back on track with living life in my 30s :)

Comings and Goings

Great news! Not only was I allowed to go outside today (first time to leave the house in a whole week!) but Dad will be released from the hospital tomorrow! And by home, I refer to our temporary home with Gloria near the hospital. He will be my roomie for the next couple of weeks and everyone in the house is doing a great job about keeping our "bubbles (aka our rooms)" squeaky clean. I saw him for the first time today since last Friday and what a miracle!! He's truly a new man from head to toe. We are truly amazed at his recovery and for the first time, I think it's finally starting to sink in that I gave part of my liver to my dad. I doubted my purpose and this process when I saw him in ICU last week and fear kicked in. But today was truly a reflection on why we sacrificed so much and knowing he is going home tomorrow affirms why I did this in the first place. I even got to reunite with two of my favorite nurses today. I was so blessed to have Agnes and Sylvia as two of my nurses and they were my angels in disguise. I know nurses are suppose to take care of you, but our relationship was different. They went above and beyond both times I was admitted to the hospital to check on me even when they weren't assigned as my nurse. They embraced me and my family with hugs and kisses and Agnes would never leave my side without saying I love you. She told all the staff on the 7th floor that I was her adopted daughter and since David was part of me, that she would take him too! They kept me emotionally strong and faithful through all the ups and downs. They saw all my tears (whether they were tears of joy, fear, or pain) and nurtured me as if I was their own daughter. It's no coincidence that God hand picked two of the most loving nurses for me and Agnes was assigned to take care of Dad on a few occasions before and after he was admitted to ICU. It brought me peace knowing he was in great hands. David took these pictures today as I reunited with Dad and my guardian angels!

On a sad note, David and Aunt Lorena left today to go back home. I miss them terribly and it's only been a few hours! They've both been in New York since September 22 so it was a true act of love and kindness for them to stay and devote all this time to be here and helping us with everything. Being around so much family makes me wish we were all closer. My family is huge and I'm sure we could build our own colony with houses next to each other. Or would that drive us crazy? Either way, I've enjoyed all this time with everyone and another blessing I should be grateful for in my life.

Happy Two Week Anniversary!!

It feels more like 2 months since we did the surgery and just thankful that I'm healing like a champ and that dad is fighting harder than ever to get well. Our prayers are being answered and some of dad's tubes were removed and he is able to communicate with us and is once again alert since being admitted to ICU.

I had my check up today with Dr. Samstein and he revealed the masterpiece scar that was created on my stomach. I'm in complete amazement that the scar is so much smaller than what I was expecting and I think it won't be as visible as I imagined once it's healed. As many of you know, I expressed concerned about having a huge scar running down my stomach including the 4 additional incisions that were necessary for the surgery. Because I have such a small mid section, the incision goes from below the breast bone all the way down to my belly button. I know it's lame to worry about scarring, but I saw so many pictures of post surgery scars and could only imagine how my scars would look and how I finally had an excuse not to ever wear a bikini again in my life (I already hate bathing suits so the perfect excuse to never wear one again?!). The doctors said that the incision I got has only been done less than a year and relatively a new method for living donors. My dad's incision is slightly bigger and he got the infamous Mercedes incision that most donors and recipients have.

We continue to pray and patiently wait for updates and more good news from the doctors on Dad's progress.

Favorite Memories Captured So Far

My mom. Out of everyone, I think she deserves the most admiration for everything she has gone through. She's so incredibly strong and has had to deal with so much. She continues to smile and I hope to be such a wonderful, loving, and caring mother and wife as she is.


So fortunate to have incredible in-laws and me sharing in a tender moment with David.




Dad right after the surgery feeling great and me with my new bear. The Liver team gives all donors a teddy bear made specially in Vermont and say's "You're a lifesaver" along with a medal of honor from the state of NY. So nice!




Getting ready for my first steps after the surgery and the second picture is me and David saying goodbye before the surgery.




Dad with grandma and sister before he was taken back for the transplant. The second picture is me and my new friend Buddy given to me by Dayle and Sheila. Buddy is pretty much as tall as me and kept me company throughout my hospital stay. He was a huge hit with every visitor, nurse, and doctor that came by my room and he's already being shipped back to San Jose to greet me when I get home.




Tia Gloria and Tio Chico were here all week with us and left back to California on Saturday. We had so much fun with all the crazy and funny stories and couldn't have made it through the week without all their help. My aunt was my guardian angel and stayed by my side every minute of the day. I miss you guys!!






We celebrated David's birthday a day late, but at least I was out of the hospital!!



Me getting my early birthday present, Buddy the Giraffe. The second picture is the sunset my sister captured one night from the view in my room. I got extremely lucky with all my rooms and the beautiful views of the Hudson River and the Empire State building.






Dayle and Sheila gave us all personalized gifts and made the pre-surgery days so special for us all.




My first shower-free, dry shampoo hair cleaning compliments of Tia Gloria. It felt amazing to have a fake shower! She made sure that me and Dad always had clean hair :)





Dad taking his first steps after the surgery and I just happened to be making my laps to his room. We got our first walk together on video and all the nurses were so excited to see us walking together!